What Are Skills? Basics, Examples, and the Difference from Distraction

Skills are often confused with „distraction“. But there is more to it: a deliberate strategy with a clear function for a specific moment.

Hardly any term from Dialectical Behavior Therapy is searched for as often as „skills“ — and hardly any is understood as differently. For some, skills are simply tricks against a bad mood; for others, a fixed therapeutic concept. Both only capture part of it.

A skill is a concrete, repeatable action or thought step meant to fulfil a specific function in a specific situation: for example, lowering acute tension, tolerating an emotion without acting on it, or having a conversation in a way that lets both sides be heard.

A first, simple definition

Skills are tools, not miracles. They rarely change the outer situation — they change how you deal with it internally, for the moment or over a longer time. A skill is well chosen when it fits the situation, the level of tension, and the resources you actually have available.

Everyday examples

Skills often look unspectacular — that is exactly what makes them practical for everyday life.

Before a difficult conversation: breathe for a moment and put your concern into one clear sentence.

When anger rises: count to ten before reacting.

With strong tension: an intense cold stimulus like holding an ice cube.

When ruminating: describe an object in the room in detail, consciously.

When overwhelmed: break a task down into three small steps.

Skills vs. distraction – the important difference

Distraction and skills overlap, but they are not the same. Plain distraction pushes a feeling or problem into the background without dealing with it — sometimes that is exactly right, sometimes it makes the problem worse if it becomes the only strategy (for example endless binge-watching to avoid any tension at all).

A skill, on the other hand, is used deliberately and purposefully for a specific function: to get through a crisis, regulate an emotion, or stay able to act. Distraction itself can be a skill too — when it is chosen consciously, limited in time, and the underlying issue is revisited afterwards instead of being avoided permanently.

Plain distraction: unconscious, unlimited, avoids the topic permanently.

Distraction as a skill: consciously chosen, time-limited, followed by returning to the topic.

Which tool makes sense when

At very high tension, short-term distraction or a strong emergency skill is often the only realistic option — thinking is too narrowed in that moment for deeper processing. At lower tension, however, a skill from emotion regulation is often more useful, one that actually looks at the underlying feeling instead of just postponing it.

A structured overview of all skills by module can be found in our collection of 100 DBT skills. If you are unsure what a term means, the glossary is a good place to look. For hands-on practice, prepared worksheets work well to build skills step by step.